Hello Bootcampers, hope you had a great August.
Tomorrow I will post my first essay of the new season.
Up until now, my Tuesday writing lessons on Bootcamp have been behind a paywall (along with my archive) and my Saturday essays have been free.
From tomorrow onwards, however, it will be the other way round.
My writing lessons are open to all while my essays are going behind a paywall. The archive, including the writing archive, which contains a treasure chest of writing advice, lectures and interviews, will remain paywalled
As for those free writing lessons, they will kick off on Tuesday 5th Sept at 2pm BST with a new series on memoir writing.
Also under the writing rubric, the Emerging Writers’ Club is still awaiting new submissions for feedback from subscribers and myself. I don’t get involved until there have been sufficient samples posted ( three or four) and a reasonable amount of feedback submitted. Then I will either do a new post, summarising all the feedback and making my own response or, if there are enough people getting involved, set up a Zoom call to discuss. If you want to post on the site, either with a writing submission ( no more than 2,000 words) or feedback on an existing submission, please go to this Google Doc:
If you want to post your comment on a submission, please do so in italics after the submission on the Google doc - for the sake of clarity. And notify everyone on the comment thread that you have submitted please!
Also please make sure to head the piece with your name, the title, and whether it is an excerpt from a novel, a short story or a memoir. Thank you.
I am really looking forward to this new season of Boot Camp, we are gathering more and more subscribers every day.
I forgot to add the notes for the last three submissions! Here they are:
Grahame
I like that, as a reader, you are inhabiting this shamanic voice and I loved the pace of just rattling though questions, but I was left wondering if it follows or precedes anything else? Or is it standalone? It feels like a monologue or an excerpt from a play. This might've been intentional, as it focuses more on voice, but at the risk of detracting from it, maybe some actions could be added to give a more defined place/time?
Echeme
For me, the classical style in which the piece is written somewhat jarrs with its contemporary setting.
I like the premise, and the slow building tension, but maybe there are a couple of tweaks that you could try?
Maybe the backstory of violence and problems in the neighbourhood could be hinted at rather than be as explicit? Such as how he looks around as he gets out his car or mentions burglar alarms or something? If you went for this sort of thing, then you could start with blue camry? Maybe something like: I stare at the blue camry, tired and hungry and in need of a warm bath? You could use the "It's not what it looks like" as a chorus throughout the story, ending with the words being voiced.
But I enjoyed it, I would like to see you lean into the slow build paranoia as much as you can, leading to the reveal of the affair as a surprise for both the protagonist and the reader simultaneously.
Annie
I loved the brevity of how this is written and I loved the imagery and how the relationships are shown though a very short set of sentences.
The ending confuses me a little though (this could very well be me being dim). Is the ending supposed to be sinister? Their world seems idylic and cloistered, but then there's a sudden shift. Maybe I'm picking up on something that isn't there, but to me, it reads like the tone changes.
I wasn't sure how to comment, or if we should comment here, so here's my brief feedback for the first few pieces:
I enjoyed all the pieces during this Bootcamp and I've tried to made some notes during my readings. I'm not sure how's best to post comments, so they're all just lumped together. I look forward to discussing your work with you.
Anne
The first paragraph sets some background, but I think if it started with the "Thirty three years of marriage..." line you could omit some of the other details and just move onto the bucket list line? I think there's enough exposition further in the chapter.
The paragraphs that end with the 'wind' could join together. As for that paragraph, is the wind used as a metaphor for your outlook? As in, how does the wind make you feel? Scared, exhilarated? I read it as 'blowing out the cobwebs' kinda thing.
I love the line "they fly away from us, but not very high or far", it feels particularly poignant, especially coupled with the dolphin paragraph later.
Helen's comments are superb, and I can't add any more. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Mick
I enjoyed your piece very much, but I was a little unsure as to the tone in places.
I think that there are a couple of bits that you could omit and leave to the reader, such as the "I’m stunned that dad doesn’t even realise that he’s got a drinking problem" line, and the dialogue in the kitchen.
I particularly liked the line "I’m forced to slot my ankles between the metal rods of the footboard" but again, you could probably omit the sentence after?
I like how it's written, and I'm looking forward to how it progresses, as I'm interested to see how you unpack the family and delve into their characters.
Christine
I liked the found text element, and I'm interested to see how it either mirrors or informs Vivien's stay in the house (and how her relationship plays out).
Although I think the descriptions of the house and its contents are lovely, I would like to read about a few more senses, like how things smell or feel. Like with the gloves, are they the vinyl kind that feel dusty inside and are coated in powder or the latex kind that split if you catch them on anything? For me, I'd like know how things would feel as well as look.
I can't wait to read more, I'm looking forward to seeing how the relatioship develops, as well as how she copes alone in a house, because there's something sinister and compelling about abandonded houses and the people that move into them.